The Mean Reds

Anyone who knows me personally will know that my favourite actress of all time is Audrey Hepburn. So naturally, one of my favourite films, since I was a little girl, is the classic 'Breakfast At Tiffany's' based on the novel by Truman Capote.
If you haven't seen the film (then where have you been?!) you won't understand the title of this blog. So here to enlighten you is the dialogue from the film where it comes from. Holly Golightly is Audrey's character.


Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?


The mean reds. That's where I am now. This year has been so rocky it has left me in a different state. The future, which I'm usually so positive about, is a daunting prospect because it's filled with the unknown. Choices and decisions are waiting to be made but I feel like they're not giving me enough time. They're pushing me, rushing me to make decisions that I currently don't feel equipped to make.
In the city that never sleeps you're constantly on your grind in one way or another so the pressure to be on top of things and continuously pushing forward is high. Someone recently told me that the world isn't going to wait for me. That things will never be perfect in life so that I can proceed how I want in the way I want. That I should be doing everything in my power at all times to go for my goals.
I agree with the principle of that. In fact, that was usually my M.O. No matter what happened to me, no matter how hard I had fallen, I would dust myself off and keep going. That's what winners do right? But this time, I see where the flaws can be in that approach. Sometimes, in your hurry to prove yourself and get back on your game, you end up driving blind. And usually with no gas in the tank. So what happens? You fall again. And those opportunities that you were so worried about missing? Well you can end up messing them up anyway.
I guess the point I'm trying to make, and the thing I've realised this time round, is that sometimes it's ok to take a step back. It's ok to take a break and refresh yourself. The mean reds can be pretty unforgiving. Give yourself time to feel whatever you're feeling - the blues or the mean reds. Get your energy and faith back up. Come up with a better game plan. So that once the blues or reds have passed by, you're ready to go again. Ready for all the other colours of the rainbow you're planning to paint with.