Blank canvas...yours for the painting.

I created this blog a while ago now. I've even written a few posts. But I never published them and put them out there. I was intending this to be a place for fellow artists and dream seekers to find inspiration and encouragement to keep moving forward in the direction of their dreams, even when doubt and fear were knocking at their door and everything seemed impossible. Actually, it was ESPECIALLY for those moments. I was going to fill it with quotes and inspirational stories. But mainly drawing from third party sources.

But in the last few months, things have changed for me. Dramatically. And now, I feel that it's not about pulling from external sources. My own journey is what counts. And no doubt it will resonate with other people...if anyone ends up reading this! There's nothing better or more inspirational than hearing something personal, something firsthand. Although I don't know what I'll be ready to share with the big unknown world out there on the net, but we'll see.

But back to what I was saying...in the last few months I had to walk through fire and I thought I had lost some of the people I loved the most. I had to face my worst fears, and have them actually happen. The very foundation I had built for myself had cracked and everything from family to love, health, career and security just spiraled away from me out of control. My world was falling apart around me and I couldn't see a way out.
Then something beautiful happened. People were there for me. And I mean really, really there for me. I got to see just how wonderful the people in my life are, and amazingly, how kind people I don't even know can be. Help and support came from every corner.
And somehow, some way, when I thought there was no way, God, the universe, or whatever you wish to call that awesome power, love and spirit, created a way. What I deemed the impossible, materialized. It was in the most dramatic, painful fashion (well it wouldn't be me if it wasn't done in style!), but still it happened.

When everything gets broken down completely the way it did for me, you feel completely shaken. Everything you once knew as true has been stripped away and things have happened that have changed things irrevocably. It's a scary place. You question yourself. You question what you've been doing. You question the way you've been going about it. You question what's right. You question what's wrong. The only word for the place I found myself in is lost. And it's a lonely, terrifying place.

But everything in life is about how you choose to view it. And it's just not in me to be defeated. I don't stay wounded for long. My survivor gene kicks in pretty quickly. Creativity can only be suppressed for so long.
I'm an artist. On many levels. And right now my life feels like a blank canvas to me. When you start a piece, you are sitting in front of this huge white canvas. It's daunting. And that negative voice in your head can go into overdrive. What will you create on there? Do you really know what you're doing? Are you going to plan it out? Or are you going to just begin and see how it goes? What if you mess up? How are you going to feel? Are you even good enough to be doing this? Should you just stop now? You're not as good as other people so should you even try? And often, that blank canvas will live to see another dawn (or two...or ten...).
But eventually, you do pick up the paintbrush. Whichever way you choose to tackle it, you begin. And that's the key thing. You don't need to see the full picture. Just begin. Just take that first step. Have a little faith that you'll be guided in that unknown blank world in front of you. Put paint to canvas. Who knows what you'll discover? And how amazing it could be.
And you know what else? If you do mess up, which you will, you can paint over it. Mistakes can be corrected, and messes can be cleaned up.
Be excited by that immense blank canvas in front of you. You're the designer of your dreams. You hold the brush. It's yours for the creation. So go paint!