Trust

What a tricky precarious little thing. So easily shattered. So, so, easily shattered. And once fragmented, is there a way back?
Lack of trust can drive a person crazy. And in no place is this more blatant and rampant than in intimate relationships. Once the seed has been sown that baby just keeps getting watered, over and over. The tragedy is that we tend to that little garden ourselves so very attentively. Self-torture is a particularly unfortunate, but common human trait. It's like we can't help ourselves. The mind monster has taken over and it just keeps on talking. Incessantly. It's own slippery, sly version of parseltongue snaking its way through our minds. Stories that haven't even occurred seize the spotlight in the stage of your imagination. Farfetched dramas play out to get you even more riled up than you were in the first place. And sorry little monologues take shape about what you would say to the person in question...in that situation that doesn't actually exist. It grows into an ugly monster. If jealousy is green, I hate to think what the colour of mistrust is.
Mistrust leads to very random, strange, obsessive behaviour. Stir up that concoction with just the right balance of doubt, jealousy and insecurity and the result is explosive. And one of the side effects of this? Digging. We dig, dig, dig. Some of us may do this verbally. This is my usual style. Some of us will take it further though. Steps that usually walk you straight over the line of acceptability into very dangerous realms. Straight into checking phone calls, text messages, even emails. And some people can take it even further still.
The sad truth is that if you keep digging, you will find something. Dig deep enough, you will find something that you won't like. It may even be a minor thing, but with that crazy hat you're currently wearing, it could be blown up way out of proportion. And once you let it out (cos you can't hide crazy forever!) guess who's gonna be the one who actually did something wrong? Right.
So you did a lot of building. You created a whole reality in your mind. And what can you sometimes be left with? Nothing. All that building, and you destroyed everything.

But how do we separate that irrational mistrust with that bona fide warning bell that our gut sounds off when something is genuinely not right? Our innate sensors that we often ignore. That, I think, is where the problem lies. Surely we should trust that feeling inside, that voice of warning. But how can we separate that authentic voice from the other one. I wish I had the answer to that. I really do. But for right now it's a case of you live and you learn.
I will say one thing I've learnt from the lessons of trust and mistrust. Choose trust. Always choose trust. Go for faith. Go for hope. Go for positivity. You'll more often then not, be rewarded , and on top of that, you won't do any damage either. I'm not talking about those times when you know. When you hear those warning bells and you put ear plugs in. You see red flags and you put your blinkers on. Not in those times when (if you're honest with yourself) inside you really know. I'm talking about the times that you really have lost rationale and reason and just don't know. If you're wrong, you're wrong, and you'll face some heartache that you would have faced regardless. Only, you might be more likely to find the truth this way.
I think we're scared to trust. Scared to end up 'looking like an idiot'. But you won't be the idiot. You'll be the brave soul that had faith and took a leap. And that faith will be rewarded.
Easier said than done. Especially when you're in the thick of things and your mind is running at a million miles a minute.
But just make that decision. Choose trust. You'll manifest that world of honesty around you.